Talk less listen more: solutions for children’s difficult behaviour

By Michael Hawton

Jane Curry Publishing, Edgecliff, NSW, 2013

Talk less listen more is something you might have been told at school or perhaps you have heard something along those lines being said to children. This book is refreshing in its approach to solving children’s behaviour difficulties. In the heat of the moment, when the volume gets turned up readers will learn about why it is important to teach children to manage their emotions and strategies to help. By talking less and listening more Michael Hawton brings his experience as a psychologist and teacher of children and families for over 25 years to use. This book is aimed at families and can also be used by health professionals as they help people learn.

Amidst a myriad of parenting approaches, Hawton describes how parents of children today are confused. How should behaviour problems be dealt with? Trends have led parents towards talking through problems, praising with rewards and yet there are some limitations to “positive parenting”, from the “outside in”. Michael Hawton adds clarity and a set of tools to work with in helping children gain self- control, “inside out” parenting. He does not take readers back to days where children are to be seen but not heard. Parents and carers, by talking less when limiting unwanted behaviour and promoting desirable behaviours in a thoughtful manner, are going to be happier and enjoy their children more. Adults can follow a process learning about choice and how to react leading to better and easier parenting.

The book is divided into five parts. In part one: trends, principles and mistakes, find out about children’s development and behaviour, what it means for children to experience emotional overload and sorting behaviour to respond more flexibly. Part two focuses on change and looks at systems and patterns in families. Part three, managing difficult behaviour – quietly develops the title of the book. Find, a quick overview of the three choices for managing difficult behaviour – quietly, ignoring behaviour and managing yourself, signalling – a quiet way to stop children misbehaving and emotion coaching to teach self-regulation. Part four, promoting the behaviour you want looks at resolving poor attitudes and behaviour in older children, building bonds, teaching skills and encouraging competency. Part five extra resources including test your know-how, children and technology, resources and further reading.

 

Talk less, listen more is very readable for busy families. There are great ideas to help parents/carers direct their energy and establish good patterns of communication, rather than repeating the same reactions that don’t work. Michael Hawton draws on the “latest findings” in neuroscience. He writes both clearly and in an Australian context. Examples drawn from the “Blooms” family, show the parents as they sort through difficult child behaviours and family situations. Illustrations, diagrams and brief models break up the book and provide insight and a bit of fun. The before and after examples with the Blooms family help explore better approaches with greater understanding

Find out about “ABNs”, “RTA” and “PASTA” these abbreviations are used as memory prompts. “ABNs” refer to annoying but not serious behaviour. Families can use worksheets to develop a framework and think about behaviour which is important to focus on, the “big rocks”, as well as which behaviours can be ignored. Be encouraged because not all problems need to be resolved. Accompanying worksheets through the book are there to be photocopied and used. Each chapter concludes with “in essence”, a helpful overview.

Teaching children how to cope in an emergency, sort out their feelings and self-soothe is talked about in chapter 9. “Emotion-coaching” can “teach children a language they would not otherwise learn". Eventually children learn how to use a “feeling language” to describe their emotions. The conversation between Charlie (dad) and Jessica (five-year-old daughter) about her scary nightmare involved talking about how she felt. Dad emotion-coached using reflective listening and made comments (rather than asking questions).

Michael Hawton doesn’t presume to write about all areas of parenting, instead he aims to look at a model for difficult behaviour, drawing on non-violent ways to help children be in control and deal with anxieties that arise in life. Children who are facing hospitalisation or repeated hospitalisation may experience fear about medical procedures, pain, separation anxiety and other intense feelings. Health professionals such as Hospital play therapists/Child life workers are there to help both children and families with their emotions. Parents who take on board reflective listening and children who are able to use a feeling language may find they have tools to help them through their hospital journey and improve their wellbeing. Final points made by the author pinpoint the objective of parents to model self-control and help children develop self-regulation for better overall health for families.

Talk less, listen more is worth reading cover to cover because the information builds and by dipping you miss out. As I read the final chapter on children and technology, I thought about my 12 year old’s experiences and those of her friends and their families and the role of parents as protectors. It may be a daunting task. Talk less, listen more can help parents to stay on track with how they want to react when facing difficulties. For instance, children may hop from one screen to another and if they can be encouraged by parents to self-regulate and manage their behaviour with limits, they will be happier and there will be greater harmony in family life. I’m really glad to have read this book, building knowledge both about children and better parenting. It is a great bounce-off point for thinking about children as they head into adolescence.

There is also an online parenting course The Talk Less Listen More (TLLM) e-course, which has been road-tested on 1000s of professionals and parents. To find out more about the author and access resources, visit his Blog or Facebook page: michealhawton.com

This book is available for loan from the AWCH library.

Jillian Rattray

AWCH Librarian

June 2014

The Australian Experience of Living with a Rare Disease: personal stories.

Rare Voices Australia, 2014.

Rare Voices Australia has recently published, “The Australian Experience of Living with a Rare Disease: personal stories”.  This is a personal look at the daily lives of individuals and families who are generous enough to share their experiences.  It also captures the growing awareness of why we need to join together for better care.  A co-ordinated approach for access to services within Australia for people living with a rare disease is a key message.

The Stories

The individual stories in this book are simply written and provide real insight. Listening to the stories and recognising patient expertise, is described as the key to working in collaboration and reaching better health outcomes.  The patient stories help build greater understanding. Chapters begin with a brief description followed by stories.  Each story has a colourful portrait photo.  For example, in the Diagnosis chapter, Kerry tells, “it took 49 years to diagnose my rare disease”.  In Jessica’s story her mother Sharon describes how “our journey to diagnosis wasn’t easy.  We waited several months to receive genetic test results from the USA”.

The reader will benefit from the easy-to-read stories, health professionals can be challenged by patient experiences; government bodies can see the value of a co-ordinated approach to the daily lives of Australian families living with rare disease.  “The Australian Experience of Living with a Rare Disease: personal stories” is a wonderful resource. Many of the individuals and families in the book have also taken up the role of advocate, working with others through support networks. Find links to support resources throughout the book.

Visit the Rare Voices Australia website to view “The Australian Experience of Living with a Rare Disease: personal stories”. The book is downloadable in PDF ( http://www.rarevoices.org.au/ ).   

A hardcopy is also available for loan from the AWCH library.

Jillian Rattray

AWCH Librarian

February, 2014

No Matter What

No Matter What

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, Boston, Massachusetts, ISBN 9780152063436

By Debi Gliori

This board book will delight you and your preschooler. With beautiful, cosy illustrations and enchanting rhyme and rhythm, “Small” asks whether “Large” will love him “no matter what”? Through repeated questions, Small explores more about love. Humorous illustrations in vivid colour compliment the story “But if I turned into a squishy bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?” “Of course,” said Large, “Bug or not, I’d always love you, no matter what”.

There is warmth and comfort as Small challenges Large to find out whether love can be broken and mended or whether it will disappear when far way. The story is simple and intimate, Small’s questions are answered and Large gives reassurance and hugs.  Young children who are facing separation from their parent or carer may read this book and be encouraged through difficult circumstances. The book will be a great bedtime read for families who want to bring a warm glow to their children.

This book may be borrowed from the AWCH library, Call number 155.937 GLI 1

Reviewed by Jillian Rattray
AWCH Librarian
December 2013

Extreme parenting: parenting your child with a chronic illness

By Sharon Dempsey
London, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2008. ISBN 9781843106197.

Written in a thoughtful and calm manner, Extreme parenting is a book that will support parents and families of children living with chronic illness. The book aims to identify areas of common concern to families and to develop an approach that will encourage children to develop and lead a full life. Parents who read Extreme parenting will gain insight into the author Sharon Dempsey’s experience of parenting her young son Owen through hospitalisations, returning to school, family life, medical necessities and home care. Quotes from other parents who have children with chronic illnesses also add depth and a personal dimension. Although written in a British context, the experiences are also relevant to Australian families. Communication strategies and advocacy are common themes throughout the book.

Extended families and close friends will find this book helpful in developing an understanding of what supportive care means. People genuinely wanting to help can gain insight into areas where they may be able to assist, depending on the needs of the family. It was thought provoking to read about how helping the siblings and parents in daily life will also benefit the child who has a chronic illness.

The section on schooling is important. It draws attention to the role school plays in academic learning as well as social interaction and friendships. Children need understanding and to feel like they are included. A child who is chronically ill and has repeated hospitalisations may experience fear and anxiety on return to school. Teachers and students who are prepared and understand about the child’s illness are in a better position to make returning to school a more positive experience for everyone. Dempsey gives examples as to why teachers may be reluctant to have a child with a chronic illness in their class. She also draws on her family’s experience to provide examples of how Owen’s teachers and friends enabled Owen to feel part of his school life even when away from school. Parents can advocate for their child and foster understanding within the school by providing information and updates.

Medical professionals who read Extreme parenting will be able to think about the child within the context of their family as well as the role parents play in doing the best for their child within the healthcare environment and at home. The aim is to help parents do the best job they can so that the child is given the best possible care. Some of the psychological issues facing families and the role of the child in participation in treatment decisions is considered. Adolescents, in particular, will benefit from taking part in decisions about treatment and care plans. Special considerations regarding privacy, peers etc. are also relevant to adolescent development and hospital care.

For families who have a child with a terminal illness, there is a section on hospice or palliative care. This chapter is written in a compassionate and supportive manner.

Find at the end of each chapter Action points that will review the main themes and direct readers into action. These pointers are helpful reminders and make organising easier. Contact organisations, reference and bibliography lists at the back, not only show the book is well researched but guide readers to other interesting resources.

Extreme parenting is a book written to benefit families with a child with a chronic illness. As growing numbers of families find themselves meeting challenges addressed in this book, our communities will gain much needed awareness by reading this book and others like it.

Reviewed by Jillian Rattray
AWCH Librarian
November, 2013

Help! My Child's in Hospital!

Help! My Child’s in Hospital: A parent’s survival guide. Practical advice for parents on preparing your child and caring for them in hospital.
By Becky Wauchope ~ Illustrations by Kaitlyn Miller

“Help! My Child’s in Hospital” is a great read if you are looking for something positive to prepare your child and family for hospital. Written in a warm, personal and easy-to-read style, Becky Wauchope describes what it is like to be in hospital and how to cope with anything from an emergency visit to a long stay and repeated visits. Her experiences with son Gus in over three years of repeated visits to hospital, have resulted in a practical and creative book. Lots of tips throughout provide starting points for children and parents to encourage coping and reduce fear. There are ideas to help keep life as normal as possible with play and some fun. The easy to follow ideas are particularly good for families with young children, Becky has many years experience as an early childhood worker. There are great tips and creative ideas to assist children and families with hospital preparation, daily life in hospital, tests and procedures, anaesthesia and surgery, medication, support and recovery.

This is a stressful time, so parents who are time poor can dip into the book and read on a topic, such as “Having an operation” and read about how to prepare and cope with fasting. Reading the book cover to cover is also a great way to gain an overview.

The book emphasises communication for parents, who know their child best, to work with health professionals for the best care. Honest conversation with your child providing the right amount of information is also a positive step. Parents can read about how to be child advocates, there are examples of steps for being prepared when talking with health professionals. Parents are encouraged to know their limits and if not able to help reduce a child’s fear or confusion then they are empowered to ask for help. Parents are a reassuring presence.

Some variations of what you may expect to find in different hospitals are covered. Parents will feel more aware and strengthened by both the information and supportive ideas. "Help! My Child’s in Hospital" highlights why preparing yourself and your child for the hospital experience is so important.

Find checklists at the back, with what to pack including Surprise packs that offer distraction. With cute illustrations, helpful layout and available for a reasonable price, this book would be a great addition to a Kindy library, hospital waiting room or public library. Copies are available for loan from the Association for the Wellbeing of Children in Healthcare (AWCH) Library and can be purchased via Becky’s website.

About the author:
The Wauchope family were about to emigrate to Australia from the UK, when Gus, the youngest of four developed severe breathing problems. This was the beginning of a three year journey through hospital readmissions in the UK and then Australia. Gus is now well and Becky has made numerous speaking engagements, run support groups and encourages people to share their stories. Find her website at: www.helpmychildisinhospital.com

Keywords:  Anaesthesia; Child; Child, Preschool; Communication; Hospital preparation; Hospitalization; Medication; Parent information; Preparation for anaesthesia; Preparation for medical and surgical procedures; Routines; School children


Jillian Rattray
AWCH Librarian
July, 2013